Al Qaeda Job Application

37895_story__AL-QAEDA-2222222

U.S. intelligence officials on Wednesday released a trove of documents recovered during the 2011 raid on Usama bin Laden’s compound — offering a rare window into the operations of Al Qaeda and bin Laden’s involvement in leading the network from his Pakistan hideaway. 

The documents include dozens of letters, some from bin Laden himself, as well as accounting information and even what appears to be an application form for prospective Al Qaeda members. That form, which asks a series of detailed questions, includes the line: “Who should we contact in case you became a martyr?” 

 

Why do you hate America? Please limit your answer to 20,000 words.

 

How did you learn about Al Qaeda?
Check one:  Newspaper / Radio / Internet / Lying Propaganda from the Decadent Filthy Dogs of the West

 

Do you have any special skills?
Check all that apply:  Angry Invective / Strapping a Bomb to Myself

 

Please list your desired number of virgins in the Afterlife.

 

Why did you leave your last terrorist organization? (Mark all that apply).
Better opportunity elsewhere / Jihad fatigue / Beheaded my supervisor

 

May we contact your previous cell?

 

Are you allergic to any of the following? (Mark all that apply).
Anthrax / Botulinum / Cyanide / Sand

 

Are you legally allowed to work in this country? (We’re kidding).

 

Are you willing to work the graveyard shift? (We’re not kidding).

 

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